Monday, July 29, 2013
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Tuesday, March 5, 2013
The Pursuit of Happiness
The pursuit of happiness is one of the primary goals of all humans. This, along with life and liberty, was declared as an essential right in the US declaration of independence. Every religion and philosophy has offered its pathway to happiness. Happiness is a state of mind and there are many paths to it. There are common prerequisites to sustained happiness as well as common causes of unhappiness. These usually transcend all classifications of gender, age or race. There are other factors which are very individual specific.
Happiness is a state of the mind. The dictionary definition is 'feelings of joy and pleasure mingled together". A feeling of happiness is more than just an experience of joy or pleasure. It is a state of mind where the individual feels that "life is good".
Becoming Happier
The Pursuit of Happiness
Happiness is a state of mind which can be induced by many means - some result in short term happiness while others result in long lasting happiness. One way of inducing long lasting happiness and bliss is meditation. For a busy person, a more practical way to becoming happier is to make steady progress towards meaningful goals. Even though this seems simple, it really is a very powerful technique to attain a state of long lasting happiness. The goals may vary from individual to individual, but for everyone happiness comes from merely making steady progress towards goals that are meaningful to them. The key is that goals have to be meaningful to you. Progress towards goals set by some one else will not bring happiness (unless you too desire the same goals).
There should be a balance in your goals to ensure that the prerequisites of happiness are fulfilled. These prerequisites include good health, sufficient income to meet basic needs, affection, some productive work or activity, defined and achievable goals and good attitude. All the money in the world will not make you happy if you ignore your health or have bad relationships. Also you must try to remove the causes of unhappiness from your life. These causes are - lack of any of the prerequisites for happiness, failure to achieve goals, envy, relationship problems, loneliness and fear of the opinion of others.
Studies have shown that a number of factors contribute to sustained happiness. Some of these are
o Good self esteem
o Feeling of control over one's life
o Supportive and warm relationships (marriage/friendship )
o Satisfying work
o Enjoyable leisure activities
o Good attitude
o Good Health
o Moderation in everything
o Impersonal interests
Thus a very effective process of becoming happier is to set goals for improvement in each one of these areas, start working towards these goals and then periodically reviewing the progress towards the goals.
So the first step is to set goals for yourself in the major aspects of your life. These goals have to be meaningful to you and they have to be specific and time bound. If the goals are not meaningful to you, you will derive little happiness from achieving them. Also if they are not specific and time bound, you will not be able to measure your progress towards these goals and thus will not experience the increased happiness which comes from making steady progress towards your goals. Goals need to be set for the major aspects of your life which contribute to happiness - Health, Financial, Relationships, Career, Attitude, Self Actualization etc.
Then you must assess where you currently are in relation to your goals. Say if your financial goal is to have savings of twenty thousand dollars in five years, you need to assess your net worth today and also your current income and expenses to know how much you are currently saving.
Next you must set up a time bound action plan to achieve your goals. For your financial goals this means determining the extra amount you need to save each month, either by earning more or spending less or both. Then you need to have a plan for earning more and for reducing your expenses. This plan needs to be specific with amounts and timing e.g. you will reduce expenses by a month by eating out less often and you will increase income by 0 a month by taking on a part time job.
Then start implementing your plan and monitor the progress. As you see yourself meeting your periodic targets, you will find your happiness increasing. Many of us have experienced the happiness which comes from steadily losing one pound per week in a weight loss program. Imagine having the same effect in all aspects of your life. The important thing in this is to make steady progress towards your goals. Happiness will grow as you see yourself making progress. Once you achieve your initial goals, you need to set new goals - maybe in different areas of your life e.g. if you have achieved your fitness and financial goals, aim for making a difference to the world around you. (Making a difference is a source of deep and long lasting happiness). Being without a goal after achieving your earlier ones will reduce your happiness. Say you suddenly inherit some money and achieve your financial goals, you will be happy for some time, but the effects will soon wear off as your mind adjusts to the new level of affluence. To sustain happiness you will have to set new goals for yourself, maybe in different areas of your life.
If you faithfully follow this process of making steady progress towards meaningful goals, you will become happier day by day. Please visit http://www.myhappiness.com for more information on achieving happiness.
Copyright © MyHappiness 2005-2006- All Rights Reserved.
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Sanjiv Sahay is the editor of MyHappiness–Making Life Happier http://www.myhappiness.com , a website that helps you to find your own path to sustained happiness by using Happiness Information, Directory of Resources, online tools and the help of an online community of your peers. He can be contacted at editor@myhappiness.com .
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Monday, February 25, 2013
The Pursuit of Happiness and the American Dream - It's All About Improving the Quality of Life
What did Thomas Jefferson have in mind when he penned the the phrase, "the pursuit of happiness?" Depending on your beliefs and point of view the meaning hinges on the interpretation of the word happiness. Happiness means something different to each of us, but in general most people would probably agree that happiness has a lot to do with improving the quality of life at all levels.
While there may be an over emphasis on capitalism in American society and the ever present drive for the almighty dollar, at its root this peculiar American characteristic is based on the desire to improve the quality of life. Yes, it may have become distorted over the years by the misguided notion that money will bring happiness, but we shouldn't downplay the importance of the drive to have enough money to live a comfortable life. The American dream of owning a home and having a business or a job that can offer financial stability and independence is part of our heritage. We as a people are the ones who in a very real sense have raised the bar high in establishing the ideals of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
At the very inner core of the American consciousness, beyond the material things, is the conviction and the unshakable belief in the freedom of ideas. It is the freedom of ideas, above all, that that is worth fighting and dying for, because without this liberty all other freedoms would be hollow. American ingenuity and inventiveness is based on the notion that no system and no set of beliefs is beyond questioning.
The Pursuit of Happiness and the American Dream - It's All About Improving the Quality of Life
If Einstein had not challenged the conventional beliefs and scientific precepts of his time he would not have made the remarkable contributions that he did. The drive to improve the quality of life is an inborn quality in each of us, but it is the unique American trait of casting aside false assumptions and limiting ideas that sets the standard for all to follow. We must not judge ourselves, therefore, by lesser standards and rest on our laurels, but measure ourselves against our own ideals. If we do this as a people and as a nation then the future is indeed bright.
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Saturday, February 16, 2013
Definition of Happiness - What is Happiness?
What really is the definition of happiness? Happiness is a phenomenon that is difficult to measure and thus best experienced by each individual. Therefore you may find varied definitions of happiness but really, what is happiness at least in philosophical terms?
Wordnet defines happiness as a state of well being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy or put in another way, emotions experienced when in a state of well being. Our Wikipedia online tool definition of happiness is somewhat similar. Wikipedia defines it as a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction or joy.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge, an English poet answers the 'what is happiness' question in a rather fractionated, segmented way, which is so true when you think about it.
He says "The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions. The little soon forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment - countless infinitesimals of pleasurable and genial feelings."
Those little pleasures in life certainly do add up and definitely constitute a mass of happiness in the end.
Arielle Essex definition of happiness is somewhat wholesome and engaging. Arielle figures happiness is a true state of mind that you can have anytime, anywhere. Happiness comes from love, wholeness and peace. It is an inner state of being that comes naturally as you become connected with who you really are, your gifts and your purpose.
You may choose to define happiness in psychological or religious terms other than the philosophical approach. Some of the definitions above may strike a chord with you and others won't, depending on where you are in your life right now. If in your opinion, the quality of your life in fairly absolute terms is good, then you could consider yourself a happy person.
There is some evidence that genes may contribute to our overall happiness but as expected other factors such as one's health, income, relationships do affect our level of happiness. Some of the factors are well beyond our control for instance, one's genetic make up, but other factors are within reason open to manipulation by us as individuals.
You can influence your level of happiness by simple activities like exercise which has been proven to increase one's level of well being as it may increase neurotransmitters in the brain responsible for improvement in mood. This apart from the fitness benefits you derive from exercise activities. This is just an example of how one's level of happiness can be altered by simple means.
In answering the question, what is happiness: you could on balance, say happiness is a state of absence of negative emotions or feelings like sadness, pain, anxiety, stress, suffering in one's life.
Definition of Happiness - What is Happiness?
Definition of Happiness - What is Happiness?
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Joseph Amagada is a self help expert. He shares his knowledge and experience on his website where you can get free info on finding happiness and personal growth.
Did you know that little steps and changes you make in your life, can result in dramatic increases in your emotional and physical well being, every morning you wake up? What could those little changes be? The answer lies here at http://www.how-to-find-happiness.org/find-happiness.htm
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Saturday, February 9, 2013
The Meaning of True Love and Happiness
To love and to be loved is the beauty of life. Many people yearn for peace, love and happiness myself included. Love brings happiness that is what we are made to think from very early stages in life. Must we make others happy for us to be happy too? These are some of the dangerous myths in life that can keep you standing on your way to happiness. It is a bad life where we try to please others through out our lives. If this fails people usually become bitter, resentful and in most cases hateful to people we fail to please. If we do not resist the planted seed of co-dependence we are doomed to live for others. Happiness just like love is energy and when it is shared it brings out the best results.
Try to think of a moment when you share out a joke with a friend. The laughter brings out bursts of laughter that makes you feel so good. The exchange of this energy we call happiness is what gives a good feeling. A happy person attracts a lot of love because it is easily reflected in out every activity. This creates a strong bond between love and happiness. For instance people will always return your charming smile even though they are strangers. That is the best reflection of self-happiness. On the other hand, if you are frowning and looking ugly and angry, people will helplessly scowl at you. There is a common adage that 'life is hard, and we have to struggle to be happy.'
I tend to differ and i attribute this to our expectations of struggles and problems. It is amazing that when things are moving so swiftly for us we subconsciously wait for the storm to come. Life was meant to be easy but pessimism interferes with the natural flow of happiness in our lives. What your mind expects is what you get so everyone should be careful of his/her expectations. When the romantic relationship is going as it should, lovers panic and wait for a thunderstorm. Fear is a great thing that stands on the way of love and happiness. Fear stops you from following your heart in matters of romantic relationships. You should know that fear, love and relationship cannot coexist in the human heart.
The Meaning of True Love and Happiness
You choose to be happy and to worry less. Open your heart to happiness and you will experience a break through in love and happiness. There are times when you feel a lot of joy in your heart but i insist that the peace you feel within your own skin should not be an occasional feeling. You will have successful romantic relationships if you have a positive relationship with yourself. You and others around you will enjoy life while at the same time relaxing, being who you are without getting out of your way to impress others. There is a misconception that love and happiness is a goal to be attained in the future. Each passing day should bring a new and unique experience to you and your loved one. "We shall travel when we retire", "i will have time to take you to exotic places", "i am to busy to go for dinner" and so on should not be your phrases. Enjoy the bliss with no good reason.
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Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Conditions of Happiness - Happy vs Unhappy - Do We Have A Choice?
Most everyone is in the process of seeking greater happiness. We are each involved in the search for feeling good inside our lives and bodies. What may come as a surprise is that many people who struggle with depression, emotional eating, stress eating, or some other addictive behavior, are really just searching for a way to feel happier. They feel some sort of unease in their emotional state and physical body, and then reach for something to numb the discomfort or make them feel better.
There is no crime in wanting to feel better. Your body is meant to be aligned with thoughts and actions that feel good. If you are currently not feeling good inside your life or your body, then certainly, continuing with emotional or stress eating, or some other addiction, is one valid choice to get through the day. If your emotional eating or addictive behavior is the only singular, lonesome tool that you have in your tool box, than hallelujah! Your self-loving survival instinct is alive and functioning. You are choosing the one action that you believe will help you feel better.
Eventually though, you will find that the fix from food or addiction does not last too long. You might feel good in the short-term, but not so well over the long-term. The consequences of your actions end up being more than you had bargained for. For example, emotional or stress eating can lead to excess weight and associated health problems. Bulimia can lead to heart arrhythmia. Anorexia can lead to impaired mental processing. The outcomes are unwanted, but the often unconscious and underlying intent was love, self-preservation, and feeling good.
Conditions of Happiness - Happy vs Unhappy - Do We Have A Choice?
If you could take all the emotional judgement, shame, and sense of failure off the eating behavior, you would be able to see that your deepest desire is an attempt to feel good. Using food, the lack of food, or some other external gratification to cope does not mean that you are sick or defective. Indeed, you are a competent manager of your own life. You might be stuck in one method of coping that has become complicated and no longer works so well, but none-the-less you are still coping and still managing life.
Take heart! New solutions for feeling better are possible. Gaining this sense of happiness does not require a deep understanding of what happened in your past, or even how dysfunctional your family was. Instead, feeling happier requires that you engage in the effort of developing new patterns of thinking and acting.
What Is Happiness
Let's take a closer look at defining happiness. Scientifically speaking, happiness is a basic sense of satisfaction with your self and your environment.
To understand this statement more fully, psychologist Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky offered this conclusion based on a 1994 study: "Happy people do not experience one success after another and unhappy people, one failure after another. Instead, surveys show that happy and unhappy people tend to have had very similar life experiences. The difference is that the average unhappy person spends more than twice as much time thinking about unpleasant events in their lives, while happy people tend to seek and rely upon information that brightens their personal outlook."
This conclusion shows that chronically happy and unhappy individuals differ in the specific thoughts and types of motivational strategies they use. For example, happy individuals interpret life events and daily situations in ways that maintain their happiness, while unhappy individuals interpret experiences in ways that reinforce unhappiness. Happy individuals are more aware of the joy and happiness available in any situation, while unhappy people register more sorrow and difficulty. This is the glass is half-empty versus the glass half-full perspective.
Wow! This is important information. The implication is that you can learn to feel happier. You can decide to take your own unhappy situation into your own hands. You can stop analyzing why you are feeling so badly, stop blaming your parents, your childhood. You can even stop blaming yourself for your troubles. Instead, you can focus on changing your thoughts and actions. Instead of focusing on the problem, you can learn to focus on the solution.
Everyone Feels Unhappy Sometimes
Recognize that everyone has experiences of feeling unhappy. Blame it on getting out of the wrong side of the bed, hormones, or the weather - it doesn't matter. One basic truth in life is that not every day is going to be an easy and miraculously happy day. Happiness expands as you make a decision to support yourself no matter what experience or emotion you are currently experiencing.
Unhappy and Happy Are Emotions
It might be useful to remind yourself that happy and unhappy are emotions. This means that like all emotions, they do not last forever. Sometimes you can shift from happy to unhappy with the passage of time. Allow more time and you will shift back into happy. In other words, this too shall pass.
Accept Being Unhappy
Acceptance is one tool your can use to deal with unhappy days. For example, since unhappy is an emotion, it means that it is a normal and natural state. You don't have to fight how you feel. Instead, decide to be at peace with the experience you are having. This doesn't mean wallowing in self-pity or drowning in depression, it means acknowledging to yourself that this the life experience you are having right now. Take several deep breathes and let it be. Once you allow acceptance, the burden of unhappy being 'wrong' disappears. A certain pressure of perfectionism disappears. A completely new way to relax and take care of yourself opens up.
Once unhappy is acceptable, you can become curious about new, self-supporting actions. For example, instead of eating to push down unhappy feelings, you can discover new ways to soothe yourself while you feel unhappy. Ask yourself,
o What actions can I take to love myself while I am feeling unhappy?
o Can I choose to be okay with this emotion?
o Can I choose to feel happy while at the same time feeling unhappy? The glass is both half-empty and half-full at the same time.
o Can I be grateful for my life even while I am currently feeling unhappy?
o What can I do right now while I am feeling unhappy to produce pleasant experiences?
Remember Happy Times
It is human nature to easily forget happy moments of our life, while terrible times easily become entrenched in our minds. Our perspective is unbalanced, and often when we are feeling sad, we can't remember ever feeling happy. In addition, we have a tendency to 'play with problem' or fixate on something negative. It seems so easy to dwell on unhappy thoughts and so difficult to train ourselves to bring optimistic thoughts and attitudes to ourselves.
The next time you are feeling unhappy, remind yourself of your larger perspective. Changing a few of your thoughts can often be the fastest way to feeling okay and not so lost. For example, you might say, "Even though I'm unhappy . . .
o My life has meaning.
o There is value in what I am feeling.
o It's okay to feel what I am feeling.
o We all have happy and unhappy moods, feelings do not last forever.
o The world is safe, and I don't have to be happy every moment.
o This too shall pass.
o I can choose to pamper myself while I am in this unhappy place.
Choose Self-Supportive Actions
When you are feeling unhappy, you know you don't need more food or addictive substances, you need to love yourself in brand new ways. This is a perfect time to focus on new opportunities to be tender to yourself. What can you do to feel better? Start thinking about what actions would make you feel just a little better. You don't have to erase your feeling of unhappiness, you just have to support yourself while you are going through it. For example:
o Go for a walk outside.
o Play with your pets.
o Walk to the nearest mirror and give yourself a much needed pep talk.
o Remind yourself that you are worthy of loving yourself even when you are unhappy.
o Support yourself with a healthy, colorful, and nourishing meal.
o Add some protein into your meals for better balance and groundedness.
o Gain a balanced perspective by writing in your journal.
o Write a gratitude list.
o Get a 20-minute chair massage.
o Sit outside and breathe in the air.
Now that you know that happiness requires action, you can begin to take care of yourself in new and different ways. Learn to see the positive in life. Your new actions won't replace your emotional or stress eating right away, and they won't immediately replace your addictive behaviors - but add enough new actions and watch as you begin to realize the power you have over your own happiness!
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Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help you take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, and move beyond depression into an extraordinary life! Annette is the author of Your Highest Potential and has the unique ability to show you how to spark an amazing relationship with your life! Visit www.LovingMiracles.com [http://www.LovingMiracles.com/] to access hundreds of content filled articles and sign up for a Free subscription to Loving Miracles! newsletter.
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Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Stop Thinking Like a Victim! Self-Pity is a Roadblock to Your Happiness and Self-Confidence
Casting yourself in the role of victim in your inner world and in your public persona is a straight shot to pain, disappointment and ineffectiveness. This misguided approach marginalizes your ability to live a fruitful, powerful and rewarding existence. It restricts your options, blocks your ability to make your goals and dreams come true and can weaken your confidence in yourself. Believing you are a victim and acting like one can have seriously negative effects on your relationships. Think for a moment about how people who immerse themselves in the victim role are not much fun to be around!
Martin Seligman, the world-renowned Positive Psychologist, explains that "victimology" -- blaming our problems on other people and circumstances -- is directly related to the concept of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is a well-documented phenomenon in which an individual does not believe that his/her actions matter in terms of how things turn out. The victim role is a form of self-pity. The Scottish philosopher Dr. Megan Reik explains, "There are few human emotions as warm, comforting and enveloping as self-pity. And nothing is more corrosive and destructive. There is only one answer; turn away from it and move on."
Are you are caught in this trap? If so, extricating yourself might just well be one of the healthiest changes you'll ever make. It is not only your right, but more importantly your responsibility, to decide if the victim role serves you or imprisons you. In my experience as a psychologist working with many clients, the victim role is a form of psychological paralysis.
No matter who or what has "done you wrong," it will not bring you psychological health and self-confidence to espouse the victim mentality. By definition, a victim is one who has been injured, destroyed, tricked, duped or given a raw deal; and even if you have experienced something devastating and/or patently unfair, this approach is absolutely not a viable solution.
Victims are often poisoned by resentment of others and self-denigration. If you have been seriously abused and cannot get past your injuries, I would recommend you seek professional help. This can be tough territory to go alone. Otherwise, get past it by looking at it from the power point. Power comes from letting these things go.
How do people get seduced by the victim role? I can think of some ways. There may be increased attention from others who feel sorry for the self-anointed victim. Or feeling like a victim might serve as an excuse to avoid some circumstance that evokes fear or that is regarded as distasteful. Or perhaps, ensconcing oneself in this role is a way to feel special. Whatever the reason, it leads me to believe that we bipedal primates of the species, Homo sapiens, sometimes use our high-powered brains to "snooker" ourselves!
The victim role is yet another example of thoughts and beliefs gone amok. Just as in the other types of destructive self-talk, identify the thoughts, beliefs and expectations that are faulty, then counter them with an empowering, non-reactive discourse. Identify instances in your thinking and imagery in which you have ordained yourself the dreaded victim. Use distraction techniques, such as thought stopping, to reduce the frequency, intensity and duration of your misguided thinking and disputing techniques to challenge these clearly counterproductive thoughts and images. Develop visual imagery and a dialogue in which you are powerful, determined, brave and successful.
You can find more information on this subject in my book on Positive Psychology, It's Your Little Red Wagon... Six Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams).
Seligman, M., (2002) Authentic Happiness The Free Press. New York, New York
Copyright 2009. Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D.
Stop Thinking Like a Victim! Self-Pity is a Roadblock to Your Happiness and Self-Confidence
Stop Thinking Like a Victim! Self-Pity is a Roadblock to Your Happiness and Self-Confidence
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Sharon S. Esonis, Ph.D., has spent close to three decades helping individuals thrive and improve their lives through her work as a licensed psychologist, author and life coach. An expert in human behavior and motivation, Dr. Esonis specializes in the burgeoning field of Positive Psychology, the scientific study of optimal human functioning and the core strengths that can lead to the achievement of one's personally-defined goals.
Her most recent book, "It's Your Little Red Wagon... 6 Core Strengths for Navigating Your Path to the Good Life (Embrace the Power of Positive Psychology and Live Your Dreams!)," is Dr. Esonis's contribution to the field of Positive Psychology, presenting proven success factors and strength-building techniques that can lead individuals to a life of purpose, motivation and happiness. It is available on Amazon.com.
Dr. Esonis earned her doctoral degree at Boston College and currently maintains a life coaching practice in the San Diego area. She also teaches Positive Psychology in the Extended Learning Program at California State University San Marcos. To learn more about the power of Positive Psychology and to order her latest book, visit her website at http://www.PositivePathLifeCoaching.com
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